i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
