i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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