it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
