I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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