I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
