Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
