Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
