Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
