We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
