I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
