He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He better not be in your backpack
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
