win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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