i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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