I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
