On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
