i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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