sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
