I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
