"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
