Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
