That's when you crack a 10am beer
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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