It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
