where does the pee come out of this thing
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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