Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
