I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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