why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
