Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac

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(585): View more from New York

lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010

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(509): View more from Washington

She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

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(574): View more from Indiana

almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea

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(323): View more from California

Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?

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