I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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