While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
