I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
