i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
