if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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