I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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