i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
