so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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