WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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