R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
