ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think pants incapable of making pants work
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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