I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Barsexuality is the new black.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
