I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
