I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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