You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
