You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
