You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
