so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
