Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
