you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
