I think I won the penis lottery.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
