operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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