1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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