He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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