Where did you get a picture of my penis
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
