Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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