why didn't you poke me back
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
