Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
