what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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