Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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