You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
