So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
