After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
pray to the hookup gods
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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