The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
