Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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