You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
