OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You left your phone here
Wait...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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