I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
