I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
oh god the rape fog is back!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize