hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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