billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
