I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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