what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
