May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
