Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
