Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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