I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Even my vagina gasped.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
