In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
