Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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