dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
