You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
