There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
